He is feeding me spoons of tribulation and this pain and sorrow have become overbearing for me to handle.. but i need to realize again that it is His plan and never my way.. He feeds me because i need discipline in my life and i need a test for my adversity.. i need to question myself as a failure: am i even worthy enough to persevere through the struggles he graciously provides me with? is it possible for me to appreciate daily struggle and life's pains without gaining any end reward? will i ever become thankful for the agony He puts in my life? my yearning for tranquility in midst of my suffering is selfish.. my desire for serenity in all my life's trial is simply sinful.. father, will i ever be grateful for the things in my life? God, spare me a life of dishonesty and deceit.. spare me a life of dismay and retribution.. spare me a life of autonomy..

the true conviction truly is self-realization.. will we ever recognize the equality that exists amongst mankind? will we ever realize that we are just a number in this world? help me understand that our lives will never be justified.. unless our lives are surrendered on the cross..

remind me that i am simply a face in the world without you.. remind me that i am wholly worthless without you.. but Lord, remind me of what your heart wants me to be.. pave my path and be the light to my feet, Lord.. stir in me a passion for Your works, Lord.. remind me that i have gone from nothing to something because of solely the purpose you found in me..

out of over a billion lost souls.. God, you have found me, you have chosen me, and you have called me.

"do your best to come to me quickly." - 2 timothy 4:9